


Stay with Me

by noveltyromance



Category: Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn
Genre: F/M, Like this is porn i think, Main focus on POLIN, lots of smut, others will show up - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:55:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29021589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noveltyromance/pseuds/noveltyromance
Summary: Penelope didn’t know where it came from but before she could stop herself, she heard herself blurt out, “Nightcap?”She cringed internally and waited for the inevitable no. But he stared at her like he was seeing her for the first time. There was a pregnant pause that made her want to vomit.“You don’t have to,” she uttered, her confidence completely exhausted.“No, I want to but...are you sure?”If Penelope can recount her all the cliffs of indecision that filled her life, this was by far the steepest. But by God, she was ready to jump in a heartbeat.“Yes.”Penelope and Colin's love story told in a span of five weddings. Friends with benefits AU
Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington
Comments: 70
Kudos: 548





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Greta_Delacour](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greta_Delacour/gifts).



> So I had this cooking even before I wrote Landslide. This started as a dare and an exercise on writing smut. I just fell in love with the idea of a relationship moving in reverse. I've actually finished writing this fic and I'll upload the rest later. Enjoy!

Penelope hated weddings. There’s always too many people. Too many inquiring people. Too many expectations that she continued to disappoint. She drank her champagne in one gulp before grabbing another flute. It did not help that she’s wearing another bright yellow gown. If there’s anything she hated more than weddings, it would be the color yellow. She’s always been stuck to that color palette since childhood. Her mother was, quite frankly, tasteless. 

There’s a growing ache on the side of her head she’s trying to mute with alcohol. At least the booze was plentiful. The menu though, left a lot to be desired. 

“How is my favorite Featherington?” Colin charmingly sidled up to her with a breadstick in his hand. He must’ve talked his way into the kitchen again. Breadsticks were not on the menu. 

“Sober,” she said with a sigh. 

He laughed, that free and carefree sound she always admired. She’s always been attracted to his confidence in his own skin. Penelope spied a glance at him as she took a timid sip of her glass. He, as usual, looked delectable in his black suit and tie. His hair was mussed up in a haphazard fashion that really worked for him. 

“Not really your scene, eh?”

“God, no! But as a bridesmaid, I’m obligated to stay.” 

Colin turned his attention to the bride in a garishly revealing wedding dress dancing with her new husband. He made a face that was close to a wince but successfully hid it at the last second. 

“Huxely is a good man,” Colin said. “For marrying Prudence so the rest of us won’t have to.” 

She snickered at his barb. She knew that he harbored slight reservations of her liverish sister, which is not totally undeserving. She broke off a piece of his breadstick, to his dismay. 

“I’m surprised you’re present.” 

He used his food to point towards his mother chatting in the corner. “Mother insisted. She laid on the guilt trip about me rarely visiting since I spent the entire spring in Monaco. Next thing I know, I’m breaking out my suit.” 

She laughed yet again. Inside, she felt the giddy butterflies in her stomach. Colin can never say no to his mother nor his siblings. She’s always loved that about him. One of the things she always loved about him. 

“I think you’ve fulfilled your duties already,” Penelope pointed out. Violet waved at them and walked out with Mrs. Danbury. 

“I guess I’m a free man.”

“Lucky,” she sighed yet again. The alcohol in her hand never looked more inviting. 

Colin impishly grinned at her. “Shall I kidnap you?”

“I don’t think it counts as kidnapping if the victim is willing,” she replied mischievously. 

“Shall we then?” he asked as he offered her his arm. 

She glanced toward the dance floor and to her newly wedded sister. Chances are, they won’t even notice her absence anyway. And it’s Colin whisking her away. _Like a knight in a sexy black suit._ What is there to decide on? 

She said yes. 

*

They spent three hours at a nearby bar, catching up with each other. He recounted his exciting adventure from country to country. For her part, she started talking about how abominable Nancy was from accounting. Time passed too fast before they realized it. They were having so much fun, tipsy and laughing at each other’s tales. It was already close to two in the morning when they started walking to Penelope’s apartment. Of course, he insisted on walking her back to her place. She nearly swooned. 

Penelope couldn’t remember the last time she smiled so much. The muscles on her face started aching. But she still can’t stop. 

“And then Nancy ate all the doughnuts out of spite,” she recounted gaily. 

Colin roared out in laughter. He had tears on his face. “Oh my god, Nancy! She’s a riot!”

They stopped at her door. Penelope didn’t know where it came from but before she could stop herself, she heard herself blurt out, “Nightcap?”

She cringed internally and waited for the inevitable no. But he stared at her like he was seeing her for the first time. There was a pregnant pause that made her want to vomit. 

“You don’t have to,” she uttered, her confidence completely exhausted. 

“No, I want to but...are you sure?” 

If Penelope recounted her all the cliffs of indecision that filled her life, this was by far the steepest. But by God, she was ready to jump in a heartbeat. 

“Yes.” 

She opened the door and turned to him with a silent invitation. He gently took her hand, and gestured for her to go on. It was clear to her that he was letting her call all the shots. That she was in complete control of the situation. She’s never been more attracted to him than at this very moment. 

She pulled him in. 

*

Colin kissed her, gentle and unsure at first. But she anchored her hands on the lapels of his jacket and pulled. It was all he needed before he deepened his kisses. She sighed into his kiss, almost melting under his touch. She felt him grin as he moved lower to her throat. His hands busied themselves with the intricate buttons of her gown while hers started undoing his belt. 

He started steering them towards her bedroom, not once breaking off their kiss. Articles of clothing pooled on the floor at each step. They fell together on the bed, bare and him hovering over her. She could feel his hardness on the inside of her thigh. 

His tongue lapped at the smooth expanse of her neck. Penelope was nervous yet she’s certain she never wanted him to stop. She could hear the pounding of her own heartbeat so loudly she’s surprised he can’t hear it. She moaned loudly when he moved his mouth along the curve of her breast. He dropped down and sucked at her nipple. She tugged at his hair, egging him on. She ground herself against him, enjoying the way he groaned at the delicious friction. 

Penelope panted when Colin’s long digits teased her slit. She gasped his name out loud when he plunged two fingers into her and curled them, thrusting deep and quick. Her hands scraped against the smooth skin of his back. If he felt pain, he shrugged it off and only increased his pace. 

“Please, Colin,” she begged. “More, I need more.” 

He grinned, smug as a bastard. “Say it, Penelope.”

The way he said her name made her shiver. “Make me come.” 

“Happy to,” he said, then his mouth descended hard on her clit as his fingers continued thrusting up into her. Her climax felt like an incoming train, crashing her into oblivion. All she could do was brace herself and cry out in ecstasy. 

After she came down from the high, she kissed his lips. Her taste was still fresh on his lips. Her hands grasped his throbbing member. He grunts out her name, a sound that would fuel her many daydreams. 

He pulled her away, before asking through gritted teeth, “Condom?”

She stilled. It’s been a while since she’s had sex. Usually, she didn’t have a personal stash of condoms lying around. But Eloise left a big box of them before she moved out as a parting gift. She excused herself and grabbed the box from the closet. She checked the expiry date, and thankfully, it’s still three months away from expiration. 

His eyebrows arched upon seeing the box. “Isn’t that a little ambitious?”

She blushed. But she managed to shrug her shoulders in fake nonchalance that he probably saw through. “If you don’t want to use it-”

“I never said that,” he blurted out before pressing a kiss into her lips.

She took a condom out and rolled it on for him, stroking him a few more times. He retaliated by placing soft bites upon her puckered nipples. She fell against the bed and he lined his member into her. He was gentle at first, allowing her to get used to the feel of him. 

He was bigger than what she was used to, nevertheless she welcomed the exquisite fullness. She urged his hips forward and he started moving, hard and fast. His mouth found a lovely spot on her neck, teasing her with nips and kisses. She wrapped a leg around him, giving him a better angle. Her hands grasped at his shoulders, scratching at his skin as she rolled her hips in time with each thrust. He groaned, his hand travelling to her breast and squeezing her nipple lightly. He quickened his pace, his hips slamming into hers. She was close, her legs began to shake. 

Colin reached down to her clit and frantically rubbed it. It only took her a couple of minutes before her orgasm ripped through her, stronger this time. She screamed out his name. That was all it took to send him over the edge. Grabbing her ass, he bucked into her hard as he came. 

Penelope sagged further into her bed, panting. He fell on her side, also trying to catch his breath. 

Now that they have done the deed, anxiety started building within her. She was afraid of the awkwardness that would settle between them. She was bracing herself for his quick escape when he turned to her and asked, “Pen, about that nightcap...any way it can turn into a sandwich instead?”

She laughed out loud. 

*

It should have been awkward. She half expected him to up and leave, and forever avoid her. But not Colin. He halted her fears by being his charming self. That’s how she found herself eating food on her bed whilst playing with Colin’s condom balloon animals. 

“It does not look like a snake at all.”

“It’s a snake, a fat one,” he insisted. “Why do you have so many expiring condoms anyway?”

“Eloise gave them to me as a gag gift.” 

Colin’s face crumpled into a grimace, then he gagged. “Ugh, are you telling me I used my sister’s condoms?”

She snorted as she laughed heartily. She attempted to assuage his disgust by offering her half-eaten sandwich. He grudgingly accepted. 

As the companionable silence settled between them, she couldn’t help but ask him, “We’re going to be okay, right?”

He stopped mid-bite. “Of course. Unless you’re not?”

“I am. I just...I’m overthinking this.” 

He hummed before finishing the rest of his food. “I’m still Colin.”

She felt a heavy weight on her heart lift. “And I’m still Penelope.” 

He smiled, and she knew it was a promise that they would still continue on just as they were. He left before the sun rose with a promise to have coffee before he left for his next trip. Honestly, she was relieved that he left. If he stayed, she’d start hoping like a lovesick fool. _Not that she wasn’t one but too much hope was damaging for her psyche right now._

She never told anyone what transpired that night. Not that she was ashamed, she just wanted to keep that special night for herself. Judging by the way Eloise never badgered her, Colin hadn’t told anyone either. She didn’t mind his silence, as it freed her from his family’s inquiry. _She loved them but they’re a rowdy bunch._

She continued on with her life, pursuing deadlines and fending off her mother’s matchmaking. He kept popping in and out of London in between his many travels. She met him once or twice for dinner. There was never any embarrassment between them, just good friends catching up. 

He never spoke of it, as did she. Penelope regarded it as a beautiful distant memory. One she’d keep reliving in the darkness of the night as she tried to chase her fulfillment. She never imagined it would happen again, until Daphne’s wedding later that year. 

She was dressed to the nines that night, actually feeling desirable for once. Her pink dress hugged her body tight, accentuating all the right curves in all the right places. She didn’t bring a date as Eloise insisted they go as each other’s dates. And she was having fun dancing flirtily at the dancefloor. 

Penelope strayed to the bar after pushing Eloise to ask out the man making googly eyes at her the whole night. Someone should at least get some tonight, no matter if it’s not her. She picked up her drink when she saw Colin, all the way across the room, staring at her. She was taken aback by the intensity of his gaze. She felt static around her, the undercurrent prickling the gooseflesh on her skin. She felt the heat ignite a flame of lust within her. 

He cocked his head in the direction of the exit, the underlying message very clear to her. She didn’t think twice before she gulped down her drink and started moving towards the door. 

*

It was a mad dash to his hotel room. 

As soon as the door closed, he pinned her to the door with a kiss. It was fervent, scorching her to the bone. She responded in kind, allowing his tongue to penetrate her mouth. His hands, hot and rough, wandered along her body before pressing into her ass. 

“You’re fucking gorgeous,” Colin mumbled as he unzipped her dress, peeling it away from her skin. 

Penelope was too delirious from the way he rubbed her breast through her bra to even form a response. Instead, she busied herself with unfastening the buttons of his dress shirt. In a few seconds, his shirt joined his jacket on the floor and she fumbled her way down to his pants. 

He trailed his fingers everywhere he could reach, drawing out tiny moans from her at every touch. He placed a kiss at the valley between her breasts before finally freeing them with one expert flick at the hook of her bra. 

Her nipples tightened from the cold air. He pulled her close, kissed her hard and walked her backwards to the bed. She fell on the bed easily while he removed his pants and boxers. And what a sight to behold. He stood in front of her, his member jutting proudly. 

“Beautiful,” she whispered. He was clearly amused. 

“You are beautiful,” he murmured as he placed kisses on her skin, traversing upwards. He stopped at her underwear. “You’ve been driving me crazy all night.” 

“You too,” she gasped. He bit the lacey part of her underwear and pulled it down. Penelope let out a low moan when his lips found her clit. He thrust two fingers inside her and hummed. The delicious friction of his fingers and the vibration from his mouth was enough to push her over the edge. 

When she came to, he planted himself right next to her with a pleased grin on his face. She hates that he’s so smug but damn it, he earned it. 

“Condom?” she asked. 

Colin drew out a small box from the side dresser. “I came prepared.” 

She didn’t want to even consider the fact that he planned on getting sex with a random woman tonight because he’s here with _her_ and nothing was going to take that from her. So she opted to keep the mood light and breezy. After all, the night was still young. 

“I see that. Afraid I’ll use the one your sister gave me again?”

He scowled at her, before saying snippily, “Okay, first rule--no, only rule in bed is to never mention my siblings at all.” 

She snickered but nodded her assent. She took the condom and straddled him. He groaned when she rolled the condom onto him. She positioned both her hands on his chest before she slid down onto him. He felt fuller than she remembered. They both sighed together. 

Penelope set a light rhythm. He brought his hands up and cupped her breasts, lightly scraping his thumbs over her nipples at every roll of her hips. He arched himself up, meeting every slap of her hip with his. The moans that he drew from her was far from dignified but she can’t seem to care. 

He increased his pace, while grabbing her hips and slamming her back down in sync. She could feel the familiar coil of tension start to unwind. She’s incredibly close. He wedged his hand between them and rubbed his thumb against her clit. It didn’t take long before she reached her climax with a howl of his name. He followed right after. 

They lay together, breathless and satiated. 

“Room service?” he asked after a beat. 

“Yeah, I’d kill for something to eat right now.” 

“Got it,” he said but made no movement. 

She turned to him and saw him intently staring at her. There was something there in his gaze that she can’t recognize. It scared her, but not to the point of running. This, what they have between them, was new and rocky. And it’s not even a relationship. It’s extremely good sex, _best she’s ever had,_ shared with a good friend whom she’s been in love with for the longest time. Any wrong move on her part could sever the flimsy ties she had with him. 

So she deflected.

“Shower?”

It seemed to knock him out of his stupor. “Huh?”

“Want to take a shower with me?”

He smirked. “Kill me if I ever say no to that.” 

Penelope pushed him playfully before standing up on her shaky legs. She stopped for a second and said, “Bring a condom with you.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I say five weddings? I meant six.

It took her a while to shake him from her system. It helped that she didn’t see him for months. He needed to fly out the next day for a multi-country trip. It was the same as before. Charming Colin kissed her on the cheek and made promises to zoom call when he was free. 

It was relief that she felt upon his departure. Because she could still flit back to her life as before, without the baggage of an uncertain relationship. She found it easier to pretend that it was a hazy dream. Because he never said he liked her like that. And if she hoped, if she let herself believe, she’s back to tears and heartache. She’s in love, not delusional.

She persisted. Her column in the newspaper had become quite a success. Her mother finally gave up trying to get her married. She found herself in a more stable point of her life, financially and mentally. She dated, here and there. Nothing too serious. She lived a more fulfilled life. 

She saw Colin sporadically, without the context of sex. He’s sensible enough to not mention it. He talked about being homesick more often, wanting to anchor roots back home. She reminded him of his passion but offered him reasons to stay. Her heart fluttered madly because he confided in her with his deepest concerns. He smiled easily and held her hand for a beat longer than he used to. She brushed it off as gratitude. 

It wasn’t long until she saw him again at Anthony’s wedding early the next year. Colin looked like a prince, decked out in an all white suit. He was in full charge as he charmed and made everyone laugh during the reception. 

So she couldn’t really take the blame when she pulled him into a janitor’s closet and had her way with him. 

“Well, hello there,” he exclaimed against her lips. 

“Shut up,” she hissed at him in a whisper. He’s too cheeky for his own good. 

He pulled her closer to him and trailed kisses along her neck. “I’ve got a toast to do.” 

“Should we stop?”

“No,” he said firmly as he fondled her breasts through her dress. 

“How much time do you have?” she asked, hitching her dress higher so his hands could have an easier access. 

Colin looked at his watch then mumbled, “Less than twenty minutes.” 

“Plenty of time.” 

“Hard and fast then.” 

Her response was drowned out by his fervent kisses. But before she could do anything, he went on his knees and pulled her panties down. He lifted her leg and anchored it on his shoulder before he ate her. He seemed intent on making her come fast, using his fingers and tongue in a manic fashion. She had to put both hands on her mouth to hamper all the sounds she made. It took her no time at all to come after he started using his teeth to lightly nip at her clit. She bit her lip so hard, she was sure she drew blood. 

When he came up, she gave him sloppy kisses and fumbled at his member from the zipper of his pants. 

“Condom?” 

He pulled one from his pocket. He rolled it onto his cock swiftly. He stooped down again and kissed her again, hard. Then he hiked her up on his waist, and pinned her against the wall. She let out a small squeal at his motion. 

They stilled, stopping to hear if anyone noticed. When he was sure no one did, Colin thrust himself into her without warning. Penelope bit into her arm to muffle her scream. She braced herself on his shoulder as he pistoned in and out of her. His thrusts were sharp and piercing. He talked dirty in her ear, voice low and gritty, with promises of a long night filled with orgasms. She came undone in minutes, yet he fucked her through it as he chased his own. It was possibly the longest orgasm she’s ever had.

They finished with five minutes to spare. They groomed each other to the best that they can. They left the closet as discreetly as they could. He gave his speech, the funniest one of the night, however all she could think about was that he was on his knees performing cunnilingus on her minutes before. Her cheeks stained red. 

He rushed to her side after his speech, a knowing smirk gracing his winsome features. She playfully swatted his arm when his eyebrows started wiggling comically. 

“You know,” he started after she got over her giggles, “I have a jacuzzi in my hotel room.”

“Why didn't you lead with that?” she reproached him. And he whisked her away. 

*

Penelope sagged into the warm bubbly water. All the tension from her body seemed to float away. Colin sat adjacent to her, equally relaxed. 

“Can I live here?”

“I don’t see how you can, seeing as I’m never leaving,” he said in a matter of fact way. He had cucumbers on his eyes, reclining as far as he could. 

She groaned. “But it’s so good!” 

“Exactly why I’m staying.” 

She splashed some water in his direction. His responding flinch made the cucumbers fall from his face. He tutted at her and placed the vegetable on the tile next to him. Penelope just knew he was planning on eating that if she didn’t taint it with soap water. 

“Fuck, marry or kill. Bridgerton edition. Go.” 

She appreciated his efforts of keeping it light. So she ran with it. “Ok, well, I already fucked you so I’d have to kill you. Marry Anthony because he has the family house then, I guess, I’d fuck Benedict.” 

His jaw dropped. “I’m your kill? _Me?!_ ”

She burst in a fit of giggles. “It’s only logical. Gregory is too young. Your turn. Featherington edition.”

“Obviously kill Prudence. If a gun were trained on me, I’d fuck Philippa then, I guess, I’d marry you,” he said the last part with such finality that it made her instantly uncomfortable. _What the hell happened to light and breezy?_

All the tension that seemed to float away came back in full force. She tried to laugh off the anxiety that filled the room. “That’s crazy.” 

“Is it?” He is now glaring at her. “Is it that hilarious?”

Every nerve in her body told her to run. They were treading dangerous waters. “Yes, it’s absurdly funny,” she countered acerbically. “Good thing it’s just make believe.”

“What are we doing here, Penelope?” His exasperated question was low and uncertain, a first for him. He was never insecure. He was always confident, for as long as she knew him. 

“Sex. Great sex.”

“Is that really all there is?” his voice low and almost pained. 

“Why are you even asking? I thought it was enough.”

“Not anymore. Not for me.”

This was it. She should be happy. Because he finally had feelings for her. Because he finally saw _her._ But every word that he said felt like lead weighing her down. She jumped from the bath and swiftly put on a bathrobe.

“Don’t,” she pleaded. “Don’t say it.” 

He stood up and put on a robe. “Why not? Why can’t I say that I have feelings for you?” 

She started crying. “Why are you complicating things? You’re leaving!”

“But I can stay. For you, I’ll stay.” 

The words that were supposed to make her feel happy just brought on dread. They felt empty, like declarations written on a crumpled piece of paper no one read. She could not let herself believe and fall even further than she already had. 

“I never asked you to do that. I would never.” She grabbed her dress on the floor and wore it hastily. 

“You don’t have to. I want to come home to you.” 

“You think it’s that easy. Why now? Because you fucked me a couple of times and now you’ve seen the light? Don’t confuse lust with love.” 

“Don’t you dare tell me what I’m feeling. I love you, Penelope. Why can’t you believe me?”

“I’m sorry,” she said wearily. 

“That’s it then. I don’t get to have a say in this?” 

She tearfully clutched her belongings and looked him straight in the eye. “No.”

She fled. 

*

Penelope ignored all communications from him. All his calls and texts left unanswered. She even refused to see Eloise. She stayed far away. Like the coward that she was. 

She threw herself into her work, took up random hobbies that distracted her away from the shambles of her heartache. It didn’t work. She exhausted her body but her mind hurled insults at herself constantly. And she missed him dearly. But what face can she show him after she pushed him away in an abominable fashion? 

After a few weeks of pining for him, she secretly sought out Kate. Colin’s sister-in-law had been a stalwart confidant. Anything she cannot tell Eloise, she confided with Kate. _Eloise meddles, and this is the last thing she wants anyone to meddle with._ Besides, Kate could actually keep secrets. 

“So you’re saying that you’ve been shagging Colin behind our backs for a year now?” Kate asked in amazement. “On my wedding reception?”

“Not the point, Kate,” she sniffed after she swallowed a spoonful of ice cream. 

“I’m just in shock.” 

“Anyone would be, I guess,” she groused.

“Hey now, this is not a remark on your compatibility. You’re not lacking. He’s not leagues ahead of you,” Kate reprimanded her. “If anything, he’s beneath you.”

“I’d like him to be beneath me,” she muttered. 

Kate guffawed. “So what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know! I’ve been in love with him since forever. And this is it, he wants me. He’s sincere, I know it. But I just can’t.”

“Babe, maybe it’s because you’ve put him on a pedestal for so long. He was this perfect abstract idea that suddenly turned real. Of course, you’d be scared.” 

“Perhaps. It’s just whenever I...what if he hurts me? What if somewhere along the line he realizes that I’m not enough and he leaves? What if I’m not enough for him to stay?”

Kate’s face was one of sympathy. She filled Penelope’s wine glass with more wine. “What if he doesn’t leave? What if he stays? You’ll never know until you give it a try.”

“He scares the fuck out of me,” Penelope admitted tearfully. “He’s going to break me, I’m sure. But I don’t want to lose him.” 

“You lose him by doing nothing.”

“Yeah, but this way I know it’s my fault, he doesn’t get to cast me out.” 

“You’re hurting him and yourself in the process. You’re ending it before it even began. Is this really the conclusion you want?”

“No,” she sobbed.

*

Penelope knew she would ignore Benedict’s wedding. She was prepared to give a solid excuse not to go, having sent an expensive gift already. However, Violet Bridgerton personally gave her the invitation and an explicit order to see her attend. She can’t say no to the Bridgerton matriarch. 

She dreaded going, after pointedly ignoring Colin for weeks. She wanted to use Eloise as a buffer but her best friend came with a date and a surprise, a blind date for her. Tom, her date, was handsome and polite. Also, terribly simple. He regaled her with anecdotes that bored her out of her mind. She found herself drinking more and more as the night progressed. 

She also needed to take the image of a forlorn Colin out her head. The guilt made her physically sick to her stomach. She saw his helplessness as she sat with Tom, and his misery made her want to cry. She couldn’t find an opportunity to talk to him privately as the night wore on. She lost sight of him after some time. 

She excused herself from her date, letting him know that she was not interested in him as tactfully as she could. She searched for him, the need to explain intensified at each passing moment. 

She found him outside, in the dark, smoking a cigarette. She sat right next to him. He offered no words, just scooted to give her space. 

“Didn’t know you smoked.” 

He shrugged. “Not really. Just when I’m really stressed.” 

Guilt tugged at her heart. She was hurting him. “I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice. 

He sighed and stomped out the fire from his half-used cigarette. “Where’s your date?”

“He left. I told him I’m not coming home with him tonight.” 

Colin looked at her sharply. “Why not?”

His anger pierced through her but she soldiered on, “I told him I wanted to go home with someone else.” 

He chuckled bitterly. “Is that right?”

She cringed at his hostility. But she had to let him know. “I want this too. I have feelings for you too. You must have known. I’ve been in love with you half my life.” 

“Yet, you pushed me away.” 

“I’m scared, Colin. I’m used to giving when it comes to you. And recently, I’ve given everything I could give. And if I let myself fall even further, if I give you the last piece of me I have left, I’d have nothing. I’m sorry but I don’t trust you.” She wiped the tears that fell. “I can’t trust you.”

He exhaled before he gathered her in his arms in a tight embrace. “I know. I realized it too.”

He pressed a tender kiss on her temple. His voice shook, awash with staggering emotions. “I’m sorry I made you wait. I’m sorry for all the times I disappointed you, and all the times I hurt you. I know now that I have to earn you. I don’t deserve you yet. It’s okay that you don’t trust me now. I’ll earn your trust and I’ll earn your love.” 

She sobbed even further, burrowing her head into his shoulder. God, how she loved him. She felt salvation. He understood her need for self-preservation. And he’s still here. 

“Will you give me a chance to prove myself to you? I just need a chance.”

“Yes.” 

*

They started slow from that point on. He took her home, gave her a chaste kiss full of promises and left immediately. He called her hours later, just catching up and making plans for brunch the next day. 

She woke up really late from the late night conversation but he was there on her doorstep the next day, laden with every pastry available near her flat. They share food, kisses and laughter while watching a movie. It was light and breezy but it was also something more. 

He told her that he found employment in a publishing firm downtown, and that he’s looking for a flat of his own. She cried and he consoled her. _He told her that his mother cried too at the news._

They kept the same cycle. Sex was off the table, though she missed it a lot. He was an incredibly capable lover after all. But she was glad for it. They forged a different kind of intimacy, one stronger than carnal desires. 

Colin’s love humbled her. He was generous, attentive and unassuming. He gave, just like she did, but never asked for anything back. He grounded her with his support but also challenged her to achieve her personal goals. He pushed her to place herself first and foremost. She learned to love herself more, gathering her broken pieces and appreciating the beauty of her jagged edges. He chipped away at her defenses. She found herself slowly trusting him. And falling even deeper still. 

They keep their relationship a secret for now. Not that they were ashamed of each other, but to preserve the magic of a budding love. It was fragile but sweet, full of potential. It was theirs. 

They maintained their courtship for months, becoming more enamored with each other as time went by. When they were ready to share their love to everyone, they planned to do it in style. Eloise’s wedding was coming soon, and they were each other’s dates. _Eloise almost eloped with her fiancé, only to be persuaded otherwise by her elder brothers._

The ceremony went off without a hitch. The newly-weds glowed in happiness. Penelope was too busy being the maid of honor to spend time with Colin that day. When she finally found reprieve, she saw Colin conversing with his ex-girlfriend, Marina, alone. 

All her insecurities suddenly blasted through her mind. Panic gripped her. 

She knew. He picked her, not Marina. He loved her, not Marina. She trusted him with her heart. She loved him. 

_So why did she run away?_

_*_

He found her two hours later, sulking in the parking lot. She was hidden in the darkness, clutching a bag from Tesco. 

Colin breathed a sigh of relief. He thought something happened to her. 

Penelope only blanched at his serious demeanor. “I’m sorry.”

He squatted next to her, maintaining a healthy distance. _He’s upset._

“Sorry for what?” His voice was even. 

“For leaving without telling anyone,” she answered in a small voice. She felt properly chastised and he hasn’t even yelled at her yet. 

“Why did you leave?”

“I saw you with Marina.”

Now he looked disappointed in her. She did just undo all the progress they made with a simple action. He drew a shaky breath. “We just greeted each other. Nothing happened.” 

“I know.” 

“Then why did you leave?”

“Because I got scared.” 

He shook his head and refused to look in her direction. _She hurt him again._

She scooted closer, and pulled his hand into hers. He stared at her with controlled patience. 

“I got scared. When I saw you with her, I thought to myself that I am making the biggest mistake of my life if I let you go. I was scared that I would lose my courage to tell you that I want to go all in with you. I love you and I need you to know just how much.” 

She opened the Tesco bag and poured out the contents on the cold asphalt. Boxes of condoms littered the ground. 

His laugh was a melody to her ears. His laughter subsided when he looked at her. He kissed her tenderly. “You know we don’t need to. I just needed to hear you say it. I love you. I trust you and I believe you with all of me.” 

She beamed. “I know. I trust you and I believe you with all of me too.” 

They shared the sweetest of kisses. 

“We’re really not making love tonight?”

“Well, if you insist,” Colin said as he pulled her in a tight embrace. 

“I insist. Now, help me pick all these up before anyone else sees.” 

*

Penelope’s little toes hurt with her high heels. She made for the bar stool and perched herself on it. She tried to massage her sore leg muscles but the layers of chiffon proved it impossible. She was growing a little cranky. She barely had anything to eat earlier that day. And when she had time, the food being served was already cold. She almost lost her appetite. 

“I hate weddings,” she declared when Colin charmingly sidled up to her with a breadstick in his hand. This time, breadsticks were on the menu. 

“Not really your scene, eh?” he said cheerfully as he offered her a bite. She bit off a huge chunk. He didn't seem to mind. If anything, his grin grew wider before he pressed a kiss on her temple. 

“God, no! But as the bride, I’m obligated to stay,” she teased him. 

“Shall I kidnap you?”

“I don’t think it counts as kidnapping if the victim is _very_ willing.”

He chewed off the rest of the food in his hand before offering her his arm. “Shall we then?”

She said yes. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my most mature fic so far and I love how it ended. Tell me what you think, my lovelies. Also, if you see any mistakes please let me know.


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